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Joke of the Day

"My Ebola outbreak brings the CDC to the yard and they're like, sir that's just irritable bowel syndrome."

"Today I met one of those people on the bus that gets all pissed off when you put your finger in their mouth when they yawn."

"Why do grocery stores double-bag everything? Like why don't you just make bags that are twice as strong?"

"Just saw the first duckface of Spring."

"What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you? A pool table."

"'Pop Goes The Weasel' is my favourite song about over-inflating your mammals."

"[OC] What type of music do Irish people listen to? Pubstep"

"Why do Electricians make terrible revolutionaries? They know resistance is a waste of energy."

"Roy Hodgson has some really important decisions to make now. Like if he wants a window or aisle seat."

"Dad joke Dad: [Grabs chest] Quick! call me an ambulance! Son: You're... an ambulance. Dad: I'm-I'm so proud of you, son. [Dies]"