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Joke of the Day

"I'm tired of being told to remove my card rapidly. Starting a new ATM for people who wanna remove their card at a more chill pace"

"Have you ever seen the inside of an ac compressor? It's really cool."

"*watching a scary movie* 7 y/o daughter: They're just people in masks, right Dad? *blankets pulled over my head* ""Sure, if you say so"""

"Looking at a playground, how can you tell which kid is the child of a trombonist? He doesn't know how to use the slide and can't swing."

"The makers of Dr Pepper are changing their recipe, using less expensive ingredients. The new soda will be called, Nurse Practicioner Pepper."

"Dear Internet, Once and for all, I agree to ALL ""the terms and conditions"" that have or will ever exist. Jeez!"

"Going to work. I got to work this morning to find a lump of Plasticine on my desk. I didn't know what to make of it."

"""Ok just so I'm clear on this - this dog can bark for 11 hrs straight & only poops in other people's yards? I'll take it!"" - my neighbor"

"I call my glasses... I call my glasses congress because they are old and crooked."

"Me: I have a younger sister but she's nothing like me. Him: Wow, she sounds perfect."