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Joke of the Day

"They say best friends are hard to find: well that's cause the best ones are already mine...:)"

"What's the difference between a thief and a pervert? A thief ~~steals~~ snatches your watch, a pervert watches your snatch. EDIT: I've done fucked it up."

"D.C. voted overwhelmingly to be a state. If congress passes it we only need 2 more states to get to 53 which is a prime number. Then we will truly be one nation, indivisible."

"Why are terrorists so mean? Because they don't like Nice people."

"In Texas you're allowed to shoot someone just for being on your property. Man if I lived there I'd host sooo many parties"

"I didn't know it was Earth Day I'm usually in the dark on it..."

"Santa went to the doctor's Santa Claus went to the doctor's with a mince pie stuck up his arse. The doctor took one look at it and said ""no worries, I can give you some cream for that."""

"""Superman's Dad"" is the last stop for an actor."

"A: Took my temperature today. B: Oh really? A: No, rectally."

"Stevie Wonder walks into a bar... Then a table, then a chair."