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Joke of the Day

"Sorry the edible underwear weren't edible anymore by the time you tried to eat them. It was a long drive to your apartment."

"""Son, I just wanted to let you know your adopted"" ""Are you kidding? Really?"" I shouted. ""Yup, get ready,"" he said. ""They'll be picking you up in about an hour."""

"What do you call a pig plumber? A Ham-di man! :D"

"(GoT Joke) Why did the King's Justice join Run DMC? Cuz he be Ilyn."

"What is the funniest two legged lizard? The stand-up chameleon."

"Did you see Matt Damon's character in Invictus? That's apartheid like to play."

"Two things you can always be certain about when it comes to women: 1) They're always cold. 2) It's somehow your fault."

"When I was visiting the islands in Alaska, I thought I saw an eye doctor wandering around... It was just an optical Aleutian."

"At what age do you switch from puppy to dry dog food? My daughter is 14 months old."

"I saw a woman suffering cardiac arrest earlier... She asked for me to call her an ambulance. I did, but I think she should've asked for help instead."