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Joke of the Day

"Welcome to the plastic surgery addicts association, Nice to see a lot of new faces here today."

"Some guy knocked on my door today and said, ""I have a parcel for your next door neighbour."" I said ""You've got the wrong house then, mate"""

"""Ok folks who ordered the macaroni & bees?"" ""you mean cheese?"" [waiter struggling to keep bowl covered] ""that does make more sense actually"""

"Oscar Pistorius said he wanted a new bathroom door..... But his girlfriend was dead against it"

"No amount of minority filled commercials can ruin Red Lobster for me."

"My fitness instructor asked me how flexible I was... So I told him I can't do Tuesdays or Thursdays."

"If she runs away I will pursue her. But since she possesses superior footspeed and cardio I may have to borrow someone's bicycle."

"Calling someone a ""protestor"" is now racist... Yupp. That's a real joke."

"If it ain't broke, my children haven't touched it yet."

"My wife went into labor this morning and I was excited until I saw that it's somebody's birthday on FB that I didn't like."