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Joke of the Day

"I always watch the credits at the end of a movie just to see if there's a chance I got drunk and stumbled onto the set."

"I just opened a Capri Sun in the dark, sup ladies"

"I've got the body of a 25 year old supermodel But my fridge is too small... Does anyone have any ideas?"

"I grew up thinking my dad was a fireman Then I realised he was just an arsonist"

"*standing behind home plate* -Beware of my dog-like reflexes. -Shouldn't it be cat-like reflexes? *catches baseball with my face*"

"How do you know your at a gay bbq? Hotdogs taste like shit"

"Why did the Muslim cross the road? I said to my self as I floored the accelerator. Although I guess he did get to the other side."

"God, grant me the serenity to accept this stolen property, the courage to sell it on eBay, and the wisdom to not get caught."

"Ladies, when a creepy guy asks for your # and hands u his phone, text REDCROSS to 90999 so he'll donate $10 to Disaster Relief."

"Hooters is starting a home delivery service. It's called Knockers."