140831

Joke of the Day

"If babies named Todd don't call themselves ""The Toddler"" then what's the point of having a douchebag baby name like Todd?"

"Why would anyone come on Twitter JUST to argue? Don't you have an ex, or a spouse, or a family member that you can argue with?"

"Where is the best place to hide after murdering a black man? Behind a badge."

"I used to be into sadism, necrophilia, and bestiality... ...but then I realized I was just beating a dead horse."

"Are you a fan of nintendo? because i wanna see your amiiboobs."

"TIFU by having sex on an airplane .."

"Don't forget to stop and Instagram the roses."

"I bought quick oats and two days later my roommate showed up with instant oats. I will not be humiliated; I must find an even sooner oat."

"Australian joke I just heard An Australian kiss is like a French kiss only it's... down under."

"What medications do I take? I'm not sure. The names on my neighbor's prescription bottles are ridiculously long"