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Joke of the Day

"Tomorrow I'm opening the time capsule I buried as a kid. Can't wait to see how big my puppy got."

"One out of every ten people lives next to a pedophile... ...not me, I live next to two beautiful 8 year olds."

"*guy struggling to pick his teeth with a toothpick* Narrator: Don't you wish there were a better way? -commercial for business cards"

"When you're talking about everything and nothing Your talking two extreme."

"What is it called when Lebron James has sex? Bron-choitus"

"Do you wish you were always broke? Are you tired of having a thriving social life? Is too much sleep boring you? Parenthood. It's for you"

"What did the scientist say to his fellow co-worker to stop him from jumping off the cliff to as an act of suicide? Don't jump, you've got so much potential!"

"What did Johnny Cash say to the waitress after he got sick at a Mexican restaurant? I've bean everywhere, ma'am!"

"You know you were a fat baby.., When the doctor had to get the jaws of life to remove you from your mother."

"Why is it ""romantic"" when Aladdin sings A Whole New World while flying on a carpet but ""pathetic"" when I sing it while laying on a bath mat?"