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Joke of the Day

"What denomination are the coins in Super Mario Bros? They're dollar coins, because a quarter is two bits, which means a dollar is 8 bits."

"It's cool to jump out of bed and realize you are already dressed to run to Walmart"

"Why do melons have fancy weddings? Because they cantelope!"

"Self control (sorry if offends you) I stopped a girl getting raped today. I used self-control."

"How do you find white Canadian reggae musician Snow in the snow? You ask an informer"

"My wife said if this comment is gilded we'll do anal... I sure hope it isn't, my ass'll be grass when she's done with it..."

"What's worse than a pile of dead babies? One in the center eating its way out. What's worse than that? It goes back for seconds."

"You could put me in any city, and I could find a Taco Bell or Chipotle within minutes. My burridar is accurate to about 10 meters."

"Childhood is like being drunk, everyone remembers what you did, except you."

"I was out shopping today; guess who asked about you?! Nobody."