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Joke of the Day

"Tonight, I watched someone ruin over 20 years of sobriety. It was a shitshow. But, in her defense, you only turn 21 once."

"Why do they call it ""Lipstick?.... ... When a woman can easily move her lips after she applies it?"

"I heard Jewish girls like 8 inches... less 10%."

"Thought for today: Each day is a gift from God ... but not Monday, it was regifted by Satan."

"Boy, are you a yellow sports car because I am embarrassed to be seen with you but I am very pleased with your performance."

"Doctors have determined Hillary doesn't have pneumonia Apparently a little girl from Kansas just threw some water on her."

"*Flips over cards* It was your TC in the KIK room with the retweeter."

"Have you seen my LSD? No but have you seen the Dragon in the kitchen?"

"What do people do in Greece? Slip and slide around."

"Why don't the French enjoy travelling to Northern Ireland? Because they don't like the smell of Derry air."