140399

Joke of the Day

"Tonight, I watched someone ruin over 20 years of sobriety. It was a shitshow. But, in her defense, you only turn 21 once."

"Why does Peter Pan always fly? Because he Neverlands! You're welcome."

"Best Black Friday Deal Trump selling out all his supporters at 70% off"

"I used to have an imaginary girlfriend but she left me for my best friend. Apparently he had a bigger imagination."

"[My Wedding] Me: I do Guests: Awww Me: Or do I? Guests: Ooooo"

"A man was walking through the woods with a little boy... It starts getting dark and the boy says to the man ""I'm scared"". The man replies ""YOU'RE scared? I have to walk out of here alone""."

"Sausage and bacon in a frying pan. Sausage says to the bacon: ""It's pretty hot here."" Bacon says: ""Oh my god! A talking sausage !!"""

"It's nice finding people from our past. I'm still trying to find the girl from elementary school that couldn't stop sucking her thumb."

"""Is this seat Taken?"" - Guy who confuses Liam Neeson movies with a chair."

"What do you call five black man having sex? A threesome."