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Joke of the Day
"Does the carpet match the drapes? Nope, I've got hardwood."
Next Joke
"When life gives you lemons, worship the elder Gods. Take candy from a baby. Drink from a trough of blood. Who cares? None of this matters"
"How is Chinese airport security like a Russian woman? They'll fuck anybody with an American passport. I say this from experience."
"date: and then after traveling to Iceland I decided to get my MBA me: date: me: I went to Arby's 7 times yesterday"
"Why don't good golfers cheat? Cause they play the fairway."
"Thank goodness I'm loud and obnoxious all the time, so my family can't blame it on the alcohol."
"If my wife ever hired a private detective to follow me, it would be to get pictures of me not using the coupons I said I used."
"What's the difference between a hooker and a politician? A hooker stops screwing you when you run out of money."
"One man's trash is another man's girlfriend."
"What do you call an angry Reddit mod? [deleted]"