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Joke of the Day

"If you love someone, set them free. When they come back, because they will, make sure you are extremely happy with someone better looking."

"What do you call four rats on a mathematical equation? A quadratic equation :)"

"*texts god* Me: yo, can we add ""being a grammar nazi"" to the list of sins? Their annoying. God: *they're"

"Relationship status bathing everyday isn't a priority anymore."

"Sign in a store window during a blizzard ""Got frostbite? Fingerless gloves, half off!"""

"What the best way to cut down a tree? A Suhhh Dude"

"""You're sure you understand stock trading?"" ME: Yep ""Then why (holds up card) did you trade our Google shares for a Charizard?"""

"""LOL what if our packaging was totally easy to tear open...unless you had a cut finger?"" --Band-Aid makers, seriously, f those guys"

"Cop: *looks at license* Says here you need glasses. Me: I have contacts. Cop: I don't care who you know, you're not getting out of this one."

"Have uou ever played the Michael Brown drinking game? You just stand there and take 8 shots"