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Joke of the Day

"Seriously, if I were a manager at Burger King, my answer to every complaint would be, ""You're at Burger King."""

"Nice try, theatre ad. But some of us don't need to put our phones on silent, for we have prevented calls with our deplorable personalities."

"Hey, do you like analogies? I got plenty! I got analogy to rabbits, analogy to grass, analogy to mold..."

"A friend of mine told me she worked as a prostitue for a while... I asked her if she'd ever been picked up by the fuzz. She hadn't, but she said she'd once been swung round by the tits."

"What porn do sea animals watch? Prawnography"

"It would be easier on everyone if my kids' teachers would cut out the middle man and email my homework assignments directly to me."

"My signature sex move is flirting like a pornstar then getting awkward as fcuk once it looks like something could actually happen."

"Why are there so many body shops in heaven? Abortion."

"if you can get a price tag onto a priceless jewel they have to sell it to you for that price, it's a simply trick that saves on heist work"

"Did you hear about the suspect who was released from jail after he touched grounded metal and received a static shock? He was cleared of all charges."