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Joke of the Day

"kids now have dating apps but back in my day we had to run through the city shirtless with a megaphone screaming ""why does no one want me"""

"I like my women like I like my Pistachio nuts. Easy to get inside or else I'll just move onto the next. Ha ha only joking. I'm so lonely."

"If your ringtone is a Black Eyed Peas song you have 4 seconds to answer before the entire office throws their stapler at you."

"I was running down a street and saw a bloke, I shouted ""Run quick, some lions have escaped from the zoo.""He said ""which way are they heading?"" I replied ""Well, I'm not chasing the fuckers."""

"WEIRD BUT TRUE: If you put enough granola in the tailpipe of a Prius, a Slam Poet will receive a Tote Bag from NPR."

"What do you call an orange cat in summer? Shedder Cheese!"

"Why is a praying muslim like apple pie with ice cream? Both are in *a la mode*."

"I like my beers like I like my lumber; 2 by 4:00"

"I know I'm getting old... the other day I walked past a cemetery and two guys attacked me with shovels."

"I bet nobody here knows the name of the ""unknown soldier"" It's probably because they're so undrground."