139689

Joke of the Day

"Two blonds are on opposite sides of a river ""Hey!!! How do I get on the other side??"" ""You idiot!! You're already on the other side!!!"""

"Why isn't Hitler allowed at barbecues? Because he burns all the franks but leaves one undercooked."

"[opens fortune cookie] be careful what you wish for [opens another] this is your final warning"

"I would talk about computer science... But it makes my mother board"

"[Barney the purple dinosaur comes on TV] 3-year-old: I hate this show. Me: What's wrong with it? 3-year-old: He never eats anybody."

"Did I ever tell you about the time I went to the doctor to get my blood type when I was super depressed? He said B Positive"

"How do you get Akbar to shut up? Muzzle'm."

"Wife: ""you think all that sugar you fed the kids this morning was a wise idea?"" Me: ""why?"" W: M: W: ""they're running along side the car"""

"My 4 year old is handing me one grape to wash at a time so breakfast should be served around midnight."

"A guy comes in a bar My bad, it's actually a horse. So a guy comes in a horse..."