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Joke of the Day

"How do you make five pounds of fat look good? Put a nipple on it."

"Chuck Norris is so bad he makes viruses sick. As such, Chuck Norris is also responsible for the eradication of smallpox."

"What do you call it when an Asian's imaginary friend dies? Make-bereave"

"When I first met your mom, I fell in love with her because she had a kind face... The kind of face I want to fuck the shit out of!"

"What time does Sean Connery get to Wimbledon? Tennish"

"What's brown and rhymes with snoop? Dr Dre"

"What did Neil Armstrong say when he was offered another trip to the moon 'I'm over the moon'"

"""You're better than that"" is almost never true"

"My fear of dogs went away after I dated my ex Cause she was a total bitch"

"My Doctor Told Me I'd Have To Stop Masturbating . . . I'm like, ""What? I thought it was OK!"" He goes, ""Yeah, sure, but I'm trying to examine you!"""