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Joke of the Day

"Marriage Counseling Therapist: So you're considering ending the marriage? Wife: I am sick of all the Star Wars puns. Husband: Divorce is strong with this one."

"So, 50 Cent is accepting Bitcoin for his new album. Which is all well and good, but if he really wanted to court the cryptocurrency community, he should change his stage name to 0.0007745 ."

"How is American beer like having sex in a canoe? It's fucking close to water."

"Can't figure out if my dad is defusing a bomb or trying to answer his cell phone. It's tense! ""The green one dad, not the Red one!"""

"I don't always tell Dad jokes... But when I do, he laughs."

"Accidentally poured myself a glass of vodka at 9am. Accidentally drank it too. I'm so fcuking clumsy."

"Just bought the extended version of The Hobbit. Bilbo is 7' 6"" now."

"I was watching a TV program on various Religious orders and how the use stringed instruments. I was appalled by the amount of sects and violins!"

"I always try to hold the door open for women I see walk by, so we can talk and get to know each other. But none of them will get in my car."

"Fall is Pumpkin time In the south, they think its time to screw their cousins Pump kin"