139297

Joke of the Day

"The cop said it was an outstanding warrant, dad. And you said id never amount to anything"

"""Baby, I'm gonna make you mine."" - sweet talker forcing someone to be a coal miner"

"Life is Like a Buffet- Sure, there are some good ones, but most are sad and crappy, and eventually, they kick you out."

"When I was a kid, we didn't have the internet. We had to go to the library to masturbate."

"Don't try this at home. If homeless, go for it!"

"Afraid to fly? It's perfectly safe except that air traffic controllers are all gov't employees forced to work the holidays. Merry Xmas."

"I Am So Depressed. I Think Suicide Is The Only Answer. If my bitch ex-wife would just commit suicide my life would be so much better."

"What do you get when you cross a Chicken with Peanut Butter? A cock that sticks to the roof of your mouth"

"Kids, because why would you want to sleep on more than 6 inches of your king size bed?"

"*hitler leans in close to the mic* and the next person to question me gets executioned *grammar nazi bites lip*"