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Joke of the Day

"Ate a burger while reading about the worst burgers in America. Now I'm gonna read about the decline of society while I tweet."

"Try not to remember that your brain is the pilot of a meat robot that can't do twenty pushups without dying."

"The world is made up of kids who can't wait to grow up...and adults who wish they hadn't."

"Left a plaster cast of my mouth at the bakery so they know exactly how big to bake the cupcakes"

"What's the difference between a dirty old bus station and a lobster with boobs? One's a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean."

"Why are asymptomatic cardiology patients so trustworthy? Because they can't tell afib"

"This soup tastes funny Customer: Waiter, this soup tastes funny. Waiter: Funny? But then why aren't you laughing?"

"Listen up, single people. You can only sleep with so many people. Sooooo many people. So so so many."

"You really shouldn't mess with rickshaw drivers They run the streets."

"Knock, knock. Who's there? Madame. Madame who? My damn foot's stuck in door! Open up!"