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Joke of the Day

"OMG, he's almost here. How's my hair? My clothes? How do I look? (knock, knock) He's here!!!! I'm so excited! *My pizza delivery guy."

"It's not necrophilia if she was alive when I started."

"Freud was wrong, I have no desire to sleep with my mom I'd bang the shit out of my aunt, though."

"What did the man say when he couldn't get the gun to fire? ""Looks like I'm gonna have to read the trouble shooting section of the manual."""

"Why was the middle aged computer sad? He had a floppy disc."

"There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Lumberjack Barbie ...sleeps all night works all day"

"Unfollowing because you didnt get a follow back is like quitting drinking tea because the tea doesn't drink you back. It doesn't make sense."

"Everyone on the planet is chasing imaginary monsters with their phone But when I do it I need to ""grow up"" and ""quit looking for Bigfoot."""

"What does a 90 year old pussy taste like? Depends."

"What do you do to an aggressive vegan? Shove your meat in their face."