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Joke of the Day
"My grief counselor died last week. Luckily, he was so good I didn't give a shit"
Next Joke
"My girlfriend threw a bottle of Omega 3 capsules at me. It's OK though, I only have super fish oil injuries."
"There are four things in the world I hate: 1. Racists 2. Mexicans 3. Irony 4. and lists"
"""Whatcha inventing?"" ""I call it a picnic. It's a meal but outside with bugs and a high risk of bear attack."" ""Can I bring my kids?"" ""Sure."""
"My mother was so overprotective we were only allowed to play rock, paper."
"Attractive person: Hi. Me: Is this some kind of sick joke?"
"I buy my shoes three sizes too big so if I run into a clown posse I'll have automatic street cred."
"Q: What happens when a professor teaches for a decade? A: He gets Tenyear."
"So apparently I've been Googling 'Asian Prom' this whole time. I watched like seven videos before I realized they weren't going to bang."
"Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, you'll be a mile away and he'll be barefoot."