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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a fly when it retires? A flew. BUH DUM TSS! No? Alright.. I'll see myself out."

"Why was Jon walking backwards on the first day of school? Everyone kept saying it was back to school time."

"Well this is a little....... A falcon goes into a restaurant and runs into his ex-girlfriend thats on a date. The falcon says ""well, this is Hawk-ward"""

"When I get home to find my wife naked in the tub, seductively asking me to ""warm her up"", I dont waste a second.. to throw in a hairdryer"

"If I'm ever arrested, I would use my one phone call for pizza."

"How to spot a blind guy in a nudist colony? It ain't hard."

"Jazz is in my blood You could say I've got deep vein trombonses."

"WIFE: [walks in on me trying on Victoria's Secret] OMG ME: It's not what you think! [shows receipt] They were on sale WIFE: Oh thank God"

"Can someone wake me up when this nightmare is over? *lies on floor, closes eyes tight* (in customer service line at Walmart)"

"I just tripped and stumbled into a group of asian kids on the street and accidentally won a breakdancing competition."