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Joke of the Day

"Every onion looks like it was in an abusive relationship."

"The Church used to teach that all babies that die go to Limbo, but it was easy for them because they're so short."

"I can sum up my taste in music and my political and religious beliefs in just a few bumper stickers."

"Tony Stewart's new sponsor. Dodge picked him up for their truck line. The new slogan is ""If you can't Dodge it, Ram it."""

"if I were a serial killer, I would target people who scream when they sneeze"

"[out in public] Me: A kid is crying. Wife: It's not one of ours. [we fist bump]"

"Why did the cab driver did not get time for his family? Because he was Uber busy."

"What language are you speaking? Cause it sounds like bullshit."

"I'm done congratulating people for having babies. Parents have been getting praise for having sex incorrectly for way too long."

"Well, at least I have a step ladder... I never knew my real ladder, but I heard he supported 3 people."