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Joke of the Day

"I went to a fancy dress party as a calendar A guy came up to me and said ""Your days are numbered"""

"Why are there never any cool side affects from drugs? Like ""this drug may cause severe sexiness"""

"Profanity is the crutch of the inarticulate motherfucker."

"What do you call a bossy potato... A dicktater"

"Arron Hernandez found guilty of first-degree murder He has been sentenced to life in prison without parole. I'm not quite sure how much longer he is going to remain a ""tight end"""

"""Let's call it a day."" I don't know what else you'd call it. Calling it a turtle would just sound stupid. ""Lets call it a turtle."" See?"

"Why can't you tell puns to a kleptomaniac? because they take everything literally (p.s. you can steal this joke if you want)"

"Why does Indiana Jones hate the letters ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWX and Y Because they're not Zs. Sorry."

"Who is the strongest thief? A shoplifter."

"If I was a hot chick. I'd open my legs so wide I'd be able to fit all four of my Ferraris in my snatch."