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Joke of the Day

"The doctor told me I need to rest so I dropped the kids off at his office & now he won't stop calling me as if that's going to help me rest."

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"[mom unloads groceries] if there's one thing i love, besides my wild little rascals, it's subscribing to twenty different online tv services"
"A man walks into a bathroom and slips on a turd.. Another man approaches and says ''are you alright mate? I just did that''"
"I'm going to open a summer camp for kids with ADD And call it 'The Concentration Camp'"
"Two IT guys are having a chat during a coffee break and one of them sais to the other: Could you borrow me $500? Of course. But let's round it up. Here's $512."
"Q: What do you get when offering a blonde a penny for her thoughts? A: Change."
"A man went to a Library and asked for a book on homosexuals. ""Go through the back door"" said the Librarian. ""That's the one"" I replied."
"I went to the races yesterday. The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip."
"If you're not supposed to drink shampoo why do they make it in such pretty colors?"
"How is a woman like a condom? Both of them spend more time in your wallet than on your dick."