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Joke of the Day

"How do you get holy water? Boil the hell out of it."

"Dear car commercials, You probably don't mean to scare me but ""German engineering"" is also why I don't have so many cousins today."

"What does Ronald Reagan have that Jimmy Carter doesn't? A widow."

"A cemetery foreman discovers that his employees cremated a body he explicitly told them to bury. ""You've made a grave mistake!"" He fumes."

"This tweet has been downloaded to your system and is now scanning your hard drive for copyrighted material. Stand by. SCANNING - 23%"

"[graduation] ...and I owe it all to my mom, and my late dad *sheds tear* [crowd cries] *dad walks in holding starbucks* ""traffic, my bad"""

"The Annual Urology vs Proctology Basketball Tournament ended predictably... Urology is #1 Proctology is #2"

"Imagine being the kid that got cut from the team on Air Bud because they had to make a roster spot for a golden retriever."

"When I die, someone, please attend my funeral dressed as the Grim Reaper and just stand there and don't say a word. Thanks."

"Did you hear about Jon Snow dropping his new Apple product? And now his watch has ended."