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Joke of the Day
"What's smarter than a dog, but dumber than a cat? Their owner."
Next Joke
"Why did Sally fall off the swing?? Because she had no arms."
"Before arbys gets sucked into the sun with the rest of the earth and everything you've ever known or loved, please come eat some of our crap"
"A recent study shows that Twitter users don't give a fuck in excess of 30 times a day."
"What do you call the foreskin on a gay guy..? Mud flaps"
"My brother told me I have the body of a god. Buddha!"
"Can someone just invent a mirror that takes pictures already!"
"Went to a parade. For an hour, bored people on floats waved. For an hour, My 2-year-old waved back. It was the greatest day of her life."
"He was a real gentlemen and always opened the fridge door for me"
"[1st date] HER: do you like charades? MIME: [thumbs up] HER: well? MIME: [nodding 'yes'] HER: hello? MIME: [shooting self with finger gun]"