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Joke of the Day

"If wrestlers have biceps, and bodybuilders have triceps, what do surgeons have? Forceps (I hate my shit life)"

"This girl came up to me today, and claimed she knew me from her vegetable club. I'd never met herbivore."

"Not to brag or anything, but I scored 4 points on flappy bird before my phone mysteriously flung itself across the room"

"Why did the hipster burn his mouth on his coffee? Because he was drinking it before it was cool"

"If the zombie apocalypse hits and you all need a twist tie, my mom has everyone covered."

"IF SIMBA COULD GROW TO THE SIZE OF A HEALTHY ADULT LION EATING BUGS THEN SO CAN I"

"What's the capital of Zimbabwe? Hyper-inflated."

"Q: What do you have with Dick Cheney, Dick Morris, and Dick Nixon in the same room? NSFW A: Way too much cock and bull."

"Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the moron's house. *knock knock* ^^Whose ^^there? *the chicken...*"

"there's a pile of shoes by the door and you're looking for the pair that will be the quietest for when you leave"