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Joke of the Day

"How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up as an altar boy"

"What's the difference between a painting and Jesus. You only require one nail to put up the painting."

"What's it like never being flaccid? Hard."

"So I work with dogs Whenever they get unruly I just tell them they are adopted."

"Some people say that Frieza was the best character in Dragon Ball Z, but... I think his brother was cooler."

"Why was my boss surprised to see me screwing with the IT guy? They said IT couldn't be done"

"Let's simplify this. Deliver a pizza to me every night unless I call."

"I dated a magician once; she put her hand on my leg and I turned into a motel....."

"Started my new healthy diet today. Breakfast is 2 almonds, I lick an apple for lunch, and dinner is yelling at a picture of myself naked."

"When speaking to children I always end every sentence with ""...or else you'll die. "" - I find this to be an excellent motivational tool."