128934

Joke of the Day

"When speaking to children I always end every sentence with ""...or else you'll die. "" - I find this to be an excellent motivational tool."

"What is hard and six inches long? my pen is"

"A dog will never borrow money from you, and that's why he's man's best friend."

"Instagram is experiencing difficulties. Until further notice, please cease visually chronicling the tedious mundanities of your life."

"A-What's up? B(londe)-The ceiling..."

"*pounds fist twice on chest* *kisses two fingers* *throws peace sign & nods head at DJ* I don't know what I just did, but we should leave."

"My dad told me he was gay, i didnt believe him until my other dad comfirmed it"

"Acquaintances: ""So what have you been up to?"" What I hear: ""Please explain yourself, we're trying to figure you out."""

"What did the neckbeard say while giving the eulogy for his extremely flatulent friend? Rip in peace"

"What do you call a black person that flys an airplane? A pilot you racist bastard"