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Joke of the Day

"I'd like to have a kid but I'm not sure I'm ready to spend ten years of my life constantly asking someone where their shoes are."

"What's the main thing a woman needs to think about when considering a potential boyfriend? Is this the man I want my kids to spend every second weekend with?"

"Tater Tots is a much better name than the original Crispy Potato Embryos."

"I didn't want to walk in the woods. But i was forest"

"So I asked my grandma I asked my grandma if she had ever tried 69. She said, ""No, but I have done 53 -- that's all the sailors I could screw in one night."""

"My Grandad woke up with a puzzled look on his face. The daft b*stard had fallen asleep on his jigsaw."

"What was Hitler's favorite baking ingredient? White flour!"

"My thesis just came back with ""Appendix?"" scrawled on it. Seems a little forward but I thought: sure, why not?."

"Text abbreviations date back to the days of the telegraph with common shorthand like DFMWOL for ""Dying From Musket Wound Out Loud."""

"Why was pregnant Cinderella late to the ball? Miscarriage"