138079

Joke of the Day

"Been doing a lot of gay clubbing recently The baby seals put up less of a fight though..."

"I've been addicted to eating the Thanksgiving leftovers... ...so I decided to quit cold turkey."

"Not saying Lois Lane is a shitty reporter but my friend showed up without his glasses on today and I recognized him after like 20 minutes."

"My girlfriend needs an abortion.... And Mexico is gonna pay for it."

"5-year-old daughter: *looks in the mirror* Can you get me something to match my cowboy boots? Me: What? 5-year-old: A horse."

"I should have used more oils to get this off easier.. I'm trying to jerk it off but it won't come. Honey, dinner is stuck to the pan."

"*meteor is about to hit earth* Earth: I have a boyfriend"

"When someone texts ""whatcha doin"" after midnight the appropriate response is ""someone else"" even if you're just eatin' pizza all alone."

"Test results are in, you might want to have a seat ""I'd rather stand"" Are you sure? You have ""Falls Down When Gets Bad News"" disease *Thud*"

"Did you hear about the man who ate nothing but prune juice and viagra? He couldn't tell if he was coming or going."