137919
Joke of the Day
"Hug a tree. Then rub your hands along it's trunk and tell it how knotty it is."
Next Joke
"A man shot his wife Judge: Sir, why did you shoot your wife? Man: Well your honor, it was easier than shooting a different man every night."
"Just updated my resume. Changed 'ambitious' to 'am-no-longer-bitious'."
"I used to be addicted to soap But I'm clean now"
"A Roman gladiator walks into a bar... ...and holds up two fingers. ""Give me five beers, please."""
"My boyfriend stole my banana... My boyfriend stole my banana so I called him out on it. He said, ""Oh I'm sorry. I can get you another banana that's just as yellow."""
"How to break up with someone- You: Your ex is attractive. Partner: which one? You: MEEEEE BYEEEEEEEE"
"Why does a VC always enter a room backwards? To keep an eye on the exit"
"My 5y/o just threw a 15 min fit because she doesn't want me to get old. I had to tell her if she took a bath it would help me stay young"
"My girlfriend has a fetish for feet Every time I go to see her she adds a few more to the restraining order."