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Joke of the Day

"Why did Ellen Pao try to sue the users of Reddit for gender discrimination/ sexual harassment? Because they were forming a massive circle-jerk around her"

"DESPERATION is exactly what I look for in a woman."

"It looks like we got about 4 inches of snow last night ... Or as my boyfriend calls it... 7."

"When one door closes, another opens. Also, you can open the closed door. That's how doors work. How do you know so little about doors?"

"Is that a star tattoo. Saw my first porn the other day. I was a lot younger back then."

"Q: Have you read the book about very cold temperatures? A: Not only does it have two covers, it has a jacket."

"I like to watch porn sometimes... ...just for the fucks of it."

"Some guy robbed a local gas station and stole $700 worth of cigarettes. I wonder what he'll do with both packs."

"What's the speed limit of sex? 68... any faster and you'll eat it."

"What happens when you don't pay your exorcist? You get repossessed."