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Joke of the Day

"The frog was double parked... And that's why she got Toad."

"[roulette] ME: [slaps table] 50 on red CROUPIER: Sir that is 50 pictures of Celine Dion ME: Yes and if I win [grabs him] you owe me 50 more"

"I want to repaint my room a shade of white... ...but I can't decide between ""eggshell"", ""beige"", or ""2016 Oscars""."

"Yelp is a great way to find out where garbage people will never eat again because one time a waitress forgot their honey mustard."

"Unless you are a pregnancy test, take your negativity somewhere else."

"The vet told me ""I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to put your dog down."" ""Oh God!"" I said. ""WHY?!"" ""Because my arms are getting tired."""

"My grandmother voted Republican until the day she died. Ever since then, she's voted Democrat."

"What do you call a smart ant ? Elegant !"

"I wanted a cat but the wife wanted a dog ... so we compromised and got a dog"

"I would make a sparrow joke... But they don't fly very well."