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Joke of the Day

"A robber walks into a bank... ...and shouts ""This is a fuck up!"", The bank teller say's ""Don't you mean a hold up?"" to which the robber replies ""No its a fuck up, I left my gun in the car!"""

"eer booze and fun!' 'WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning."

"I just heard a woman in a supermarket say this to her 7 year old daughter... ""Don't spit! Ladies never spit!"" Fcuking. Priceless."

"What do you get if you mix up together an agnostic, a dyslexic and an insomniac? A guy who is up all night wondering if there is a dog."

"My Wife was dead and rotting for a week... ..and i thought she was just having her periods."

"My kids are always accusing me of having a 'favourite kid' Which is ridiculous as I don't like any of them. -Danny Zuker"

"What does an egg say to a pot of boiling water? It's gonna take me a while to get hard, I just got laid by this chick."

"OMG a turtle is coming to kill you, Walk for your life."

"How do you circumcise a redneck? Kick his sister in the jaw"

"So, they recently discovered a recording of Michael Jackson covering Bob Marley It was titled ""One Glove"""