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Joke of the Day

"This lady cashier asked me if I wanted it ""double bagged""...I said ""No, you're not THAT ugly..."" And that's why I'm not allowed in Target."

"Why was the road upset when the chicken went over him twice? It didn't like being double crossed."

"8yo: Ghosts real? Me: No! 4yo: I heard groaning last night 8yo: & a bed squeaking and moaning 4yo: What was that? Me: .. Them: .. Me: Ghosts"

"I'm getting the band back together.... We're called New Direction."

"I always carry a clump of my hair in my pocket so when people say ""I like your haircut"", I can respond with, ""Thanks, here, have some."""

"What do Mexican Zombies eat? Re-fried brains."

"Just told a coworker ""I ain't scerd, lil' bitch."" and threw my stapler. I blame the hardcore rap."

"Wife: You were right. Me: Say it again. Wife: You were right. Me: Again. Wife: You were right. Me: One more time. Wife: You wer- *wakes up*"

"Man in a BMW pulls up next to a kid in the street... and says, ""Excuse me, lad. If I give you 5 bucks will you come in my car?"" Kid says, ""Give me 10 and I'll come in your mouth!"""

"Contest in Girls College About Sex and Mystery Contest in a girl's college: write a short story which contains religion, sex and mystery. Winner's story: ""Oh god, I am pregnant, I wonder who did it."""