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Joke of the Day

"I may eat animals, but at least I wait until they're DEAD. Plants are ALIVE, vegans. You disgust me."

"If you drop a piano down a mine shaft what key does it play in? A flat minor"

"What do you call an Autobot who works in an overpriced makeup store at the mall ? Ulta Magnus!"

"I carry a rolled up yoga mat so people think I'm fit but really it's just a great way to hold 2 footlong meatball subs."

"I always make sure to buy high quality toilet paper... If you get the cheap stuff, you'll pay for it in the end."

"Why did the cynic fall asleep? Because he had a bed day."

"""You have a very large package downstairs."" I really need to work on how I word things to the men around this office."

"Have you heard the joke about the Butter? I better not tell you, You Might spread it!!!"

"I don't understand why ISIS is such a big deal. All we have to do is parachute in Chuck Norris, and within a month they will all be dead... It can't be done faster since he fights with his bare hands."

"I don't really like Marxists... ...they have no class."