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Joke of the Day

"I was the fastest gun in the West, I'd shoot you with a ham before you could even ask ""What is that, some sort of ham cannon?"""

"*watching an old Lassie show Me: How come you can't do those things? Dog (mutters): If we had a well I'd push you into it."

"I can't get out of bed These blankets have accepted me as one of their own and if I leave now I might lose their trust."

"Two guys meet at a bar. ""My wife ran off with my best friend Peter..."" ""Oh no, when did this happen?"" ""Yesterday."" ""And since when is Peter your best friend?"" ""Yesterday!"""

"How 'Words' are created.. The early bird catches the worm. Holds it hostage. Stockholm Syndrome sets in. The worm and bird have babies."

"I miss my dog so much since he died, I just paid a homeless guy to come over and take a shit on my kitchen floor and then eat it."

"Test results are in, you might want to have a seat ""I'd rather stand"" Are you sure? You have ""Falls Down When Gets Bad News"" disease *Thud*"

"News Just In:More pictures leaked,the world rejoices...Iran uses oppertunity to attack Lets not get complacent,your lives could depend on it."

"Never date an apostrophe... they can be possessive."

"A man walks into a bar....... Says 'ouch'"