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Joke of the Day

"got my blood test results back today, and it's just as i feared. my body is filled with a ton of blood."

"What's the buoyancy of an abortion? Rho * v * Wade"

"Two Irishmen walk out of a bar. Hey it could happen!"

"Why did the metal worker at the recycling plant quit? His job was soda-pressing"

"I will have enough money for the rest of my life. Of course, if I don't buy and eat anything."

"What is the opposite of Turkish? Pig Latin"

"My alarm clock is clearly jealous of my amazing relationship with my bed."

"I like my coffee like my women... Piping hot and all over my lap in the McDonald's drive thru (backs away very slowly, opens door without turning around, lurks out...)"

"GOD: there, my first animal :) SNAKE:youre not done right? How am I supposed to move? G:like this*shimmies* S: G:just kinda*shimmies* S:dude"

"To get a job in the Army you need good peoples kills."