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Joke of the Day

"What did the blonde do when she discovered that most accidents happen within a mile from home? She moved."

"Just spilled red wine ALL OVER my insides."

"Yoda tells a joke at the annual Christmas party. Why was five afraid of seven? Because Six Seven Eight"

"Why do little girls carry goldfish in their pockets? Q: Why do little girls carry goldfish in their pockets? A: To smell like big girls."

"You excited to watch the Super Bowl? ""Ya, but only cuz the commercials."" [sounds of man being beaten to death with bowl of chips and dip]"

"If your dog has fleas and you hear ticks, what should you do? Make a vet appointment for both of you."

"""Crap, I gotta get up and undressed for work."" - strippers"

"Woke up in a graveyard. Never felt more alive."

"""One man's trash is another man's treasure"".. ..is a shitty way to tell a kid they're adopted"

"So this crazy guy starts talking to me on the train... ""Is this the train to heaven?"", he asks me. ""No"", I say. ""Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit"", he replied."