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Joke of the Day

"[Mulder softly whispering ""I want to"" at every exhibit in the Ripley's Believe It or Not Museum.]"

"I walked up to my 9yo and said, ""How goes it?"" He looks up at me and says, ""God is history's greatest serial killer."""

"What's the biggest joke of all time? My life. My entire goddamned life."

"Did you hear about how the Police were called to a daycare yesterday? a three-year-old was resisting a rest"

"How can you call someone and sound fabulous? Use a homophone."

"I used to work in restaurants before switching to information technology... ... The biggest difference is that the phrase ""my server went down on me"" is no longer a good thing."

"Carrying a warm burrito in the big front pocket of my sweatshirt is the closest I'll ever come to understanding motherhood."

"Why do women fake orgasms? they think we care!"

"Like Hannah Montana Transexual porn is the best of both worlds."

"Subway Jared ended his career just like how he started it... ...by trying to get into smaller pants"