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Joke of the Day

"My lesbian neighbors asked me what I wanted for Chirstmas and I got a Rolex. I guess they miss-understood when I said ""I wanna watch""."

"I just got a part in the movie Cocaine I only have one line."

"Guy at Dairy Queen was yelling at everybody because they didn't have waffle cones but they had PICTURES of waffle cones. That guy was me."

"Daddy, is Santa coming tonight? No sweetie, mommy has a headache."

"A Man's Biggest Hope Most men hope they will marry a nymphomaniac. The problem is, that after a few years, the nympho leaves but the maniac is still there."

"A guy calls his wife to say he's had an accident at the factory He says, ""I got my finger cut off!"" She asks, ""The whole finger?"" He replies, ""No, the one next to it."""

"[swipes debit card] *would you like cash back?* yes [gazes at photo in wallet of steve jobs johnny cash & bob hope, whispers] yes i would"

"Got a phone call today to do a stand up gig at a fire station... ... Went along. Turned out it was a bloody hoax."

"If you only see one movie this summer, maybe see more movies, they're great!"

"Why did Bob disagree with communism? He thought it was such Bolshevik."