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Joke of the Day

"A Zach Galifinakis-style ""impression"" joke. The character I'm working on is: MOMENTARILY CONFUSED BATMAN <husky voice>: Alfred... <regular voice>: Ahem... I mean hey Alfred"

"69'd the wife then went to buy donuts after. The guy at the counter said he already knew what I wanted, so I asked how..... He said ""You had 'glazed' all over your face. """

"Hey girl... You must be pretty massive because I'm (gravitationally) attracted to you."

"I should buy a 26.2 sticker! for my nose..."

"Who's the biggest bitch in a whole wide world? OPs mom"

"What's the difference between a garbanzo and a chick pea? I'm not spending $100 to have a garbanzo on my face."

"Did you hear the one about the blind ship captain? He couldn't sea anything."

"The iCloud leaks weren't an accident at all. It was Apple trying to make up for causing Adam and Eve to have to wear clothes in the first place."

"What does the Army call it's Muslim infantry units with vehicles? Mecca-nized infantry."

"Q: Why do cows moo? A: Because their horns don't work."