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Joke of the Day

"[Zoo, bird show] ""Millions of years of evolution have made these ancient raptors into graceful sky gods."" *bird headbutts window 50 times*"

"What do you call a pie who made his own ears? A pioneer"

"do you know? Did you know It takes the average American male approximately 4 minutes to have an orgasm. Do you know how long it takes the average woman? Who fucking cares."

"Why wouldn't the dog attend the Veterans Day Parade? There were too many vets."

"One day, someone is going to hold you so tight, that all of your broken pieces fit back together."

"Asked an artist friend if he does nude portraits He charges by the pound"

"Sarah Palin bought up all of Alaska's pancake mix She's trying to keep her son from battering women"

"My boss gave me a nice pat on the back the other day.. It made things a bit awkward on the shitter though."

"Crap....all this time I thought I was listening to the Angel on my shoulder. Turns out the Devil on the other shoulder is just a hell of a ventriloquist."

"What's the best way to see a charging herd of elephants ? On television !"