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Joke of the Day

"[Zoo, bird show] ""Millions of years of evolution have made these ancient raptors into graceful sky gods."" *bird headbutts window 50 times*"

"Ninety two percent of cross-eyed teachers have difficulty controlling their pupils."

"A construction worker asked me to make a joke about the contents of his toolbox. Unfortunately, I don't have any drill bits."

"I just got an eyelash in my eye and I'm yelling at it cuz it's supposed to prevent this shit from happening like, ""YOU ONLY HAVE ONE JOB."""

"Waxing. It's not a cure for lycanthropy."

"I see your ""long walks on the beach"" and I raise you ""long Segway rides on beach"" *peels off on beach throwing sand in dates face*"

"A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it."

"There was a prison break and I saw a midget climb up the fence. As he jumped down he sneered at me, and I thought ""Well that was a little condescending."""

"I saw a lady with twins babies. One had a shirt that said Copy' the other Paste'. That made my day."

"What did the egg say to the pot of boiling water? It might me a little to get hard, I just got laid by some chick. EDIT: ""take me a little while"""