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Joke of the Day

"Whats long, hard, and full of semen? A submarine."

"The least offensive joke ever. The french military."

"Did you hear about the dog who had sleep apnea? He had to get a C-PUP machine."

"I am quite old, so I wasn't shocked today during a thorough inspection to find that I had a gray pubic hair. The other people on the elevator seemed pretty surprised, though."

"I'm thinking about selling my vacuum cleaner... ... All it does is collect dust."

"I don't blame Cat Zingano. I'm sure most men don't last 12 seconds with Rhonda Rousey either."

"*Closes refrigerator door and hears contents inside fall* Well... sounds like a problem for the next person."

"I met a girl with twelve boobs. Sounds weird, dozentit?"

"Speculation was rife as to why Vladimir Putin has been missing for the last 10 days. Turns out he had the flu. That's what happens when you fight cold wars."

"I don't do cocaine... I just like the smell."