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Joke of the Day

"What is the greatest dilemma for a Jewish mother? She finds out her son is gay, but is dating a doctor."

"One nation, under Trump, divisible... Trade liberty and justice for Wall."

"I dropped my iPhone under the bed once so I get it, moms that lift cars off their babies, I get it."

"Forest fires always think my jokes are hilarious But it's probably just because they're blazing trees"

"To any ex-military that live on my street I apologize for whatever messages we may be sending, 2yo has discovered light switches"

"According to the principle of the sandwich, if you put butter on both sides the sandwich will hang in the air."

"What's the technical term for a female-to-male sex change operation? A strapadictomy."

"She hated my mixed-tape back in high school. Last month she gave birth to her ninth baby. Thanks for saving my life, Depeche Mode!"

"*At the Carnival* Me: How much for the petting zoo? Person: What? *Drunk at Walmart by the dressing rooms*"

"My car can only go 68... if it goes 69 the engine blows a rod."