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Joke of the Day

"What does a pedophile and a turtle have in common? They both wanna get there before the hare does."

"What's 20 foot long, screams like a banshee and has no pubes? The front row of a One Direction concert."

"I don't believe death is the end. In my heart I know that, long after I'm gone, I will continue to receive Hot Summer Deal!!! emails."

"I dressed up for Halloween today.. I went as someone who suffers from dyslexia"

"What did the alpacas go as for their group costume? The zombie alpacalypse"

"I'm sorry I said ""sorry about your eyebrows"" when you showed me your wedding photos"

"[wife enters as I'm doing the worm] Wife: WTH are you doing? Me: It's not what it looks like. Worm: Who the hell is she?!"

"There are only 10 types of people in this world... Those who understand binary, and those who don't."

"Farts are like children. The only ones that I like are my own."

"How do you know you're at a gay picnic? The hotdogs taste like shit."