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Joke of the Day

"When I get naked my shower gets turned on."

"In the beginning there was nothing... Then God said ""Let there be light!"" And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better. Edit: Credit to Ellen DeGeneris."

"9 years ago i asked the girl of my dreams out on a date, today i asked her to marry me. She said no both times."

"Enjoy your animal shaped biscuits. Do not eat if seal is broken."

"You say tomato. I say tomato. Our eyes meet. We've decided on the perfect name for our baby"

"I was going to make a joke... But I fainted"

"The only time I'm like ""maybe god is real"" is when I'm eating really really good nachos."

"George Zimmerman was arrested again for aggravated assault with a weapon. It's almost like there's a pattern here."

"My superpower is predicting the exact day I'll need something that sat idle in a drawer for months so I can throw it away the day before."

"How can you tell someone hates vegans, cross fitters, and atheists? Don't worry, they'll repost a joke about it."