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Joke of the Day

"Went to the doctors yesterday and was told I have to stop masturbating, Apparently it was upsetting the other people in the waiting room"

"Engraved on a hypochondriac's tombstone... See, I told you I was sick."

"A slightly drunk woman is watching tv... She yells, ""Don't go there! Don't go up the stairs! Don't go into the church you dumb bitch!"" Her husband asks, ""What are you watching?"" ""Our wedding video."""

"You're not cool if you have to tell people you're cool. I'm looking at you, Cool Whip."

"What do you call a joke that makes fun of a woman, who has not consented to be made fun of? ...misogynistic."

"Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet? Because they can spend years at C!"

"Me: *mouths I love you* Him: M: *blows kiss* H: M: *adjusts my pajama top* H: *empties the can & hops onto the side of the garbage truck*"

"Me: You put the ""cow"" in ""coworker"" Her: Excuse me?? Me: It's a joke format. Her: I'm telling HR.. Me: Ok but I doubt they'll get it either."

"What does Bill Clinton say to Hilary after sex? I'll be home in 20 minutes"

"Why are shopaholics in the UK generally very skinny? Because they are always losing pounds."